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Nov 10th, 2024, 10:43pm
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Topic: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~ (Read 4519 times) |
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teagirl
Beginner
 Wellington
# 1046
carpe diem
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Posts: 87
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #40 on: Dec 16th, 2008, 1:11pm » |
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on Dec 16th, 2008, 10:34am, Gracia wrote:
I think I'm a great failure as a mother and God knows why He gave me three.
I rest my case.....prayer is my only strength for now. I only hope the best for my children and only God will make that happen no matter how impossible it maybe.
Godspeed Grace!!!
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Why would you think that you are a failure as a Mum when clearly, you are exceptional. You will have to remember that your little boy is growing up and teeming with hormones. Naturally he is curious --- I hope you are able to explain to him that sex is healthy and is a God-given gift between individuals who love each other; and that pornography demeans women in every way, that is why he has been grounded for watching porn and not because its about sex.
I would rather that he learn to have a healthy attitude towards sex and you be able to talk to him in a very logical manner than have resentments grow between you.
I hope and pray for more patience for you Gracie and for your little boy who is in a hurry to grow up --- temperance. Miss you, my friend!
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I love to sing in the shower. I'm good, too! All my shampoos think so.
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Gracia
Premier Expert
# 28
in Christ --- the hopeless finds hope
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #41 on: Dec 17th, 2008, 9:51am » |
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on Dec 16th, 2008, 1:11pm, teagirl wrote:
Why would you think that you are a failure as a Mum when clearly, you are exceptional. You will have to remember that your little boy is growing up and teeming with hormones. Naturally he is curious --- I hope you are able to explain to him that sex is healthy and is a God-given gift between individuals who love each other; and that pornography demeans women in every way, that is why he has been grounded for watching porn and not because its about sex.
I would rather that he learn to have a healthy attitude towards sex and you be able to talk to him in a very logical manner than have resentments grow between you.
I hope and pray for more patience for you Gracie and for your little boy who is in a hurry to grow up --- temperance. Miss you, my friend!
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Thank you, just all I need --- encouragement.
You know what he said when I ask him if he open it? He said "no it just popped up" -- and later I found out from one of the mothers that a certain classmate of him gave that site to his friends. After I've known that information, I confronted him with his Papa and he admitted that he opened it. All the while, I was thinking it was my nephews who opened it and trust CD so much. He lied Doki and it was not the first.
You know Doki, I am planning to visit a psychiatrist, to understand more of him. What do you think?
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The best way to cheer yourself, is to cheer somebody else up
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teagirl
Beginner
Wellington
# 1046
carpe diem
Gender:
Posts: 87
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #42 on: Dec 18th, 2008, 9:16pm » |
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on Dec 17th, 2008, 9:51am, Gracia wrote:
Thank you, just all I need --- encouragement.
You know what he said when I ask him if he open it? He said "no it just popped up" -- and later I found out from one of the mothers that a certain classmate of him gave that site to his friends. After I've known that information, I confronted him with his Papa and he admitted that he opened it. All the while, I was thinking it was my nephews who opened it and trust CD so much. He lied Doki and it was not the first.
You know Doki, I am planning to visit a psychiatrist, to understand more of him. What do you think?
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Gracie, he may have lied because he was afraid --- but then again, I don't have any children of my own to be able to say what works and what doesn't. You know your child more than anyone in the world and also, we have been teen-agers once --- remember how stubborn we were and how rebellious in ways we could not explain? CD is going through that phase as well, teetering between exerting his own independence and trying in a new suit of becoming an adult. It's just unfortunate that the avenue he has taken in exerting his individualism is through pornography.
Scolding him, mistrusting him, punishing him will not solve this issue, Gracie. I have always believed that a real communication will give you more of a "solution." Explain to him that what he did has hurt you, but it doesnt mean that he is a bad person in your eyes. Make it clear to him where you are coming from. Call in a meeting between you and him and hubby and explain to him how his act has hurt you or has disappointed you but don't be critical of him.
Also, you will have to remember that he is a good boy; that he is a good son and that his being caught at dabbling with porn should not mark him for life in your eyes. Expect him to be a good son and he will be. Don't believe in the worse in him, give him the room and the faith to grow as an honest, truthful, and an individual with integrity and he will be.
With regard to going to a psychiatrist, I don't know, Gracie. It might be futile. Or it might be helpful, I don't know. You have to remember though that psychiatrists are medical doctors trained to "cure" by prescribing meds. In your situation, there is really nothing to cure. What you require is understanding for your son, and understanding for your self: At why HE and YOU are acting the way YOU BOTH are acting, where both of you are coming from, and what needs to be done to resolve this conflict.
I would suggest reading books/article especially on adolescents and how to parent them, and I'd like to throw in "non-violent communication" guides as well. The internet is teeming with the articles you need, quite ironic really considering its the vehicle in which this distressing situation has come from.
God bless you, Gracie. Including you in my prayers.
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I love to sing in the shower. I'm good, too! All my shampoos think so.
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Gracia
Premier Expert
# 28
in Christ --- the hopeless finds hope
Gender:
Posts: 3692
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #43 on: Dec 19th, 2008, 2:46am » |
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on Dec 18th, 2008, 9:16pm, teagirl wrote:
Gracie, he may have lied because he was afraid --- but then again, I don't have any children of my own to be able to say what works and what doesn't. You know your child more than anyone in the world and also, we have been teen-agers once --- remember how stubborn we were and how rebellious in ways we could not explain? CD is going through that phase as well, teetering between exerting his own independence and trying in a new suit of becoming an adult. It's just unfortunate that the avenue he has taken in exerting his individualism is through pornography.
Scolding him, mistrusting him, punishing him will not solve this issue, Gracie. I have always believed that a real communication will give you more of a "solution." Explain to him that what he did has hurt you, but it doesnt mean that he is a bad person in your eyes. Make it clear to him where you are coming from. Call in a meeting between you and him and hubby and explain to him how his act has hurt you or has disappointed you but don't be critical of him.
Also, you will have to remember that he is a good boy; that he is a good son and that his being caught at dabbling with porn should not mark him for life in your eyes. Expect him to be a good son and he will be. Don't believe in the worse in him, give him the room and the faith to grow as an honest, truthful, and an individual with integrity and he will be.
With regard to going to a psychiatrist, I don't know, Gracie. It might be futile. Or it might be helpful, I don't know. You have to remember though that psychiatrists are medical doctors trained to "cure" by prescribing meds. In your situation, there is really nothing to cure. What you require is understanding for your son, and understanding for your self: At why HE and YOU are acting the way YOU BOTH are acting, where both of you are coming from, and what needs to be done to resolve this conflict.
I would suggest reading books/article especially on adolescents and how to parent them, and I'd like to throw in "non-violent communication" guides as well. The internet is teeming with the articles you need, quite ironic really considering its the vehicle in which this distressing situation has come from.
God bless you, Gracie. Including you in my prayers.
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Doki, thank you for that. You know I've been talking to CD explaining to him about just anything and that I am disappointed the way things are happening. I can see that he is listening but when he's mood came up, he just forgets everything and so we have to remind him again. He's a very nice kid, very understanding when he wants to and everytime I see him like that, I say to myself...."there's hope still". I can't help but worry Doki, I don't know, maybe because I believe that whatever my son will become it's the outcome on how we parents brought him up.
Thank you for the prayers Doki, just what we all need always.
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The best way to cheer yourself, is to cheer somebody else up
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dOnUtz 9urL
Premier Expert
 Anchorage AK
# 54
d rite mate won't make u happy,only an open heart
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Posts: 1782
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #44 on: Dec 31st, 2008, 3:12am » |
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on Aug 28th, 2008, 6:40am, Gracia wrote:UPDATES:
The latest family picture we had taken in one of our stroll in the park. It was nice seeing my children growing up and oh well, it wasn't nice seeing myself getting old...nyahahaha! That's life.
Proudly presents~~~~ the three rugrats --- as what my pakner called them.
THIS IS FOR YOU PARTNER...[/b]
Partner, Greg left his coffee drink and Luigi was fast to finish it. Guess he'll become a coffee addict in no time right oppps...the can is empty though... that's why he settled on the next drink he found. See next pic.
Seems coffee is not enough...C2 next. nyahahaha!
Hope you like it Partner.
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Goshhhhhh!!!!! Luigiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
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to LOVE for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic
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dOnUtz 9urL
Premier Expert
Anchorage AK
# 54
d rite mate won't make u happy,only an open heart
Gender:
Posts: 1782
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #45 on: Dec 31st, 2008, 3:25am » |
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Partner, I'm in shock too reading your blog about CD, I can't believe at his early age he already found out about porn....
Me, myself maybe found out about porn when I'm 20+...but you have to realize something here.... this is 2008...almost 2009, kids used to computer and internet, the technology "push" them to use it. Long time ago when I started chatting, I went to internet cafe alot, I cant believe, boys there still wearing school uniform (that's how I know how young they are)...some are in elementary still, some are in junior high school, They been opening porn site and giggling about it between them, somehow I feel scared of the new generation though.
I guess that's what happen with CD as well, he grown up, he's in transtition stage, in a stage that he want to know everything, curious about everything, that somehow made him lost his focus.
I can't say it's normal, cuz deep down in me, I won't say its normal, but this world will say it's normal.
You are a great Mom, Partner, I came there and I met you all, and I still believe you are a great mom !!!! Don't ever doubt it.
I am agree with may in this case (eventhough I don't have kids of myself yet), that scolding, punishing etc somehow wont work. It may work for some kids with different characters though.
I remember when my mom scold me long time ago, it even made me more rebellius, since my mom don't know how to communicate so it made it worst.
Communicate with him as much as you can, tell him all you had in your heart and mind, tell him how much you love him and you will not let him fall into bad things.
I guess that's the best.
I have no clue on psychiatrist, it might be help, might be not. But if you think it will help then you should see one.
I hope everything goes well with CD and your family, Partner.... my prayer is always with you.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 31st, 2008, 3:27am by dOnUtz 9urL » |
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to LOVE for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic
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Gracia
Premier Expert
# 28
in Christ --- the hopeless finds hope
Gender:
Posts: 3692
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #46 on: Jan 6th, 2009, 3:53am » |
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on Dec 31st, 2008, 3:25am, dOnUtz 9urL wrote:Partner, I'm in shock too reading your blog about CD, I can't believe at his early age he already found out about porn....
Me, myself maybe found out about porn when I'm 20+...but you have to realize something here.... this is 2008...almost 2009, kids used to computer and internet, the technology "push" them to use it. Long time ago when I started chatting, I went to internet cafe alot, I cant believe, boys there still wearing school uniform (that's how I know how young they are)...some are in elementary still, some are in junior high school, They been opening porn site and giggling about it between them, somehow I feel scared of the new generation though.
I guess that's what happen with CD as well, he grown up, he's in transtition stage, in a stage that he want to know everything, curious about everything, that somehow made him lost his focus.
I can't say it's normal, cuz deep down in me, I won't say its normal, but this world will say it's normal.
You are a great Mom, Partner, I came there and I met you all, and I still believe you are a great mom !!!! Don't ever doubt it.
I am agree with may in this case (eventhough I don't have kids of myself yet), that scolding, punishing etc somehow wont work. It may work for some kids with different characters though.
I remember when my mom scold me long time ago, it even made me more rebellius, since my mom don't know how to communicate so it made it worst.
Communicate with him as much as you can, tell him all you had in your heart and mind, tell him how much you love him and you will not let him fall into bad things.
I guess that's the best.
I have no clue on psychiatrist, it might be help, might be not. But if you think it will help then you should see one.
I hope everything goes well with CD and your family, Partner.... my prayer is always with you. |
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The site was given by his classmate Partner.....and he was thinking it was a game site...so he opened it. There was another classmate who was given that same site too and the father of that child was waiting for the father of that son who gave away that site --- to talk about the behavior of his son. So I was hoping this will not happen again. Maybe when he grows up where it's impossible to keep track of him all the time. For now, everything is fine except that he lost focus on his studies...guess that is something that I have to reconcile to myself that my son is growing and he can make his own decision already --- that includes either he likes to study or not. I've been communicating to him Partner....always....but he has this stubborn streak in him....that I have to allow him to see the consequences of his actions and learn from it.
Happy New Year Partner, it was nice hearing from you again!!!
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The best way to cheer yourself, is to cheer somebody else up
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Gracia
Premier Expert
# 28
in Christ --- the hopeless finds hope
Gender:
Posts: 3692
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #47 on: Jan 6th, 2009, 4:06am » |
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The best way to cheer yourself, is to cheer somebody else up
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Gracia
Premier Expert
# 28
in Christ --- the hopeless finds hope
Gender:
Posts: 3692
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #48 on: Jan 6th, 2009, 4:17am » |
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The best way to cheer yourself, is to cheer somebody else up
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Gracia
Premier Expert
# 28
in Christ --- the hopeless finds hope
Gender:
Posts: 3692
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Re: ~~Telltales of a Mom~~
« Reply #49 on: Jan 6th, 2009, 4:19am » |
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The best way to cheer yourself, is to cheer somebody else up
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