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Nov 1st, 2024, 3:59am
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Topic: Make Me Laugh (Read 12513 times) |
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ChAntiQ of NarniA
Intermediate
 Narnia
# 210
Qui me amat, amat et canem meum
 
 
Gender: 
Posts: 342
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Shark~!
« Reply #120 on: Nov 29th, 2005, 9:13am » |
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Watch out for sharks!
Directions:
1st look and see the shark under the water.
Keep your cursor out of the picture until you see the shark.
Then move your mouse cursor onto the picture, but stand back.
You might get wet!
Click on this --------------> S H A R K !
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| « Last Edit: Nov 29th, 2005, 9:36am by ChAntiQ of NarniA » |
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Jimbo
Beginner
 Pennsylvania
# 196
When one door of happiness closes, another opens
Gender: 
Posts: 108
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Re: Make Me Laugh
« Reply #121 on: Nov 29th, 2005, 2:06pm » |
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.
Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee." 
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
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Jimbo
Beginner
Pennsylvania
# 196
When one door of happiness closes, another opens
Gender:
Posts: 108
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Re: Make Me Laugh
« Reply #122 on: Dec 2nd, 2005, 5:15am » |
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Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives.
Henry started by saying, "I think my wife's fooling around on me. I
went
home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think
she's cheatin' on me with a carpenter!"
Tom answered, "Yeah, I think my wife isn't faithful either. The other
day
I went home and found a pipe wrench and some pipes under my bed. I
think
she's cheatin' on me with a plumber!"
Otis then joins in and says, "Well, if you think that's bad, I've got
one
for ya. I went home yesterday and found a cowboy under my bed. I think
my
Leena is cheatin' on me with a horse
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary and Betty were friends that worked in the same office. At lunch, Betty confided to her co-worker that she had an awful rift with her husband the night before.
"What was it about?" asked Mary.
"He was going through a closet, looking for something, and found my birth control pills."
"Well?"
"He had a vasectomy two years ago!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
The married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation.
After a few days he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation.
Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend: "Take next plane for fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress."
His friend was quick to wire back: "Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11.30 a.m. How long have you known about us?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Gary matched Dan, drink for drink, trying to get him to talk about what was bothering him.
Gentle prodding was ignored until after downing his ninth, Dan blurted out, "OK, it's your wife."
"My wife?" his friend demanded. "What about my wife?"
"I think she's cheating on us."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife gives her husband a silk handkerchief and asks him; "Doesn't this belong to your secretary?".
"Where did you find that?", he stutters.
"I didn't", she answers.
"The mail man found it on your night-stand
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
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okasantina
Premier Expert
 Yokohama, Japan
# 4
***~~QuEeNbEe~~ ***
Gender:
Posts: 2744
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Re: Make Me Laugh
« Reply #123 on: Dec 2nd, 2005, 6:45pm » |
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on Nov 17th, 2005, 1:47am, CooCHie wrote: Question Mr SPeedy moderator, sometimes, when u have long line of jokes, it is easier to read by joke category rather than grouping them..and the reply box cannot take much of it so you have to use another post...Is that breaking da rule too?  Flooding the room? I think that is what happen with Mr Fallen..he did not mean to flood the room..if this is breaking the rule...I dont think he mean to do that... ..P.S. I just want to clarify what is the rule here...just my thoughts...lol...no harm intended!!! 
Whew can I drink my sex on the beach now..  |
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Yeah i agree to that coochie baby ...and as far as i know...Fallen is an old member here and just forgot his password thats why its hard for him to get back again..till he asked me about his password on how to get it back eh ... im sure he know the rules here.  Anyway, i wish Fallen Savah will get back here again in the forum to post more topics for he had a slight  about the deletion thang eh ... Im sure Dale is just doin his work as a moderator i guess...  ok lets go back to our regular programming!  
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Justine
Premier Expert
 Manila
# 213
votre endroit ou le mien?
Gender:
Posts: 2216
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Re: Make Me Laugh
« Reply #124 on: Dec 8th, 2005, 6:51am » |
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Marz!!!! I swear, that scared the #$%^ out of me LOL
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In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock
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Jimbo
Beginner
Pennsylvania
# 196
When one door of happiness closes, another opens
Gender:
Posts: 108
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Re: Make Me Laugh
« Reply #125 on: Dec 11th, 2005, 7:07am » |
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A married couple are driving along a motorway doing 60 MPH, the husband behind the wheel.
His wife suddenly looks over at him and says, Honey, I know we've
been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce" The husband says nothing but slowly increases his speed to 70 MPH. She then says, "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, becaus I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a lot better at sex
than you."
Again the husband stays quiet but speeds up more as his
anger increases.
"I want the house," she insists, pushing her luck.
Again the husband speeds up , now to 80 MPH.
She says "I want the car too ! " but he just keeps driving faster and faster. By now he's up to 90 MPH. And I want the bank accounts and all the credit cards"
The husband starts to veer towards the central reservation.
This makes her a little nervous so she asks nervously
"Isn't there anything you want dear?"
The husband replies "No, I've got everything I need darling"
Oh really," she says, "so what have you got?"
Just before they smash into the central reservation at 100 MPH,
the husband smiles and says........
............"The freakin airbag ! "
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
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Wicked_Witch
Premier Expert
Manila
# 201
I'm not old, you are just younger. Hehehe!
Gender:
Posts: 3667
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Re: Make Me Laugh
« Reply #126 on: Dec 13th, 2005, 2:02am » |
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THE OFFICE SECRETARY
Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.
"Hey, bud, how are ya?"
"I'm good. Hey, congratulations, that new secretary of yours is
beautiful!"
"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!
"No way, how could that be?"
"Way! She's the latest Office Robot from Japan. Lemme tell you how she
works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you
squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can
have sex, too!"
"Holy cow!!! You're kidding, right?"
"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"
So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her
for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming...
"Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"
The guy says, "Damn! In my excitement I forgot to tell him that her ass is a
pencil sharpener!!
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| « Last Edit: Dec 13th, 2005, 2:03am by Wicked_Witch » |
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She who have not sinned may cast the first stone.
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Wicked_Witch
Premier Expert
Manila
# 201
I'm not old, you are just younger. Hehehe!
Gender:
Posts: 3667
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Re: Make Me Laugh
« Reply #127 on: Dec 14th, 2005, 1:13am » |
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A Christmas Story
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my ass for dang near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those a******s from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little snits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat *ss and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
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| « Last Edit: Dec 14th, 2005, 1:14am by Wicked_Witch » |
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She who have not sinned may cast the first stone.
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ChAntiQ of NarniA
Intermediate
Narnia
# 210
Qui me amat, amat et canem meum
Gender:
Posts: 342
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Re: Make Me Laugh
« Reply #128 on: Dec 14th, 2005, 4:14pm » |
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lololol
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| « Last Edit: Dec 14th, 2005, 4:16pm by ChAntiQ of NarniA » |
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Fallen
Intermediate
 Greece
# 39
Hmmmmm wazz up Doc?
Gender:
Posts: 311
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Re: Make Me Laugh
« Reply #129 on: Jan 3rd, 2006, 7:35pm » |
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My joke is short.............Fallen for hottest nyahahahahahahahahahahaha nice joke
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Fallen Angel
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